Stupid News' Journal
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
8:45AM - tennis, anyone?
i thought it was going to turn into a prince...
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Pressing News Group, the organisation behind Plasma Rag Magazine, is seeking expressions of interest from enthusiastic and dedicated satire writers who wish to join a dynamic and welcoming team. In the coming months a satirical online magazine will be launched, providing a chance for those with a passion for writing and humour a chance to grow their skills and network with likeminded people.
Those interested should contact Pressing News Group, as places are limited. Please include in your e-mail a brief introduction and reasons why you’d like to be a part of the fun. Send e-mails to email@example.com
Monday, October 18, 2004
10:41PM - Newbie!
I have just joined and thought I would share this with you. I live in Australia and we have just had our Federal election. In this election there were a minor party running called "Family First". They are notoriously Right Wing, Old fashioned values etc. There leader stated that "All lesbians should be lined up against a wall and shot dead!" due to it being 'morally objectionable' and a 'travesty of nature'. Now this makes "Stupid News" given that one of their candidates is actually, openly, a Post Op transsexual! Counting has not finished in the election yet BUT it appears this party may hold the balance of power in Australia (ie they may be the key/have the deciding vote in regard to what legislation the government can and can't pass). I am preparing to emigrate if this is the case!
Sunday, October 3, 2004
8:06AM - fox appologizes
Fabricated Kerry Posting Leads to Apology from Fox News
By ERIC LICHTBLAU
Published: October 3, 2004
WASHINGTON, Oct. 2 - Plenty of news media analysts thought Senator John Kerry looked good at Thursday night's presidential debate, but Fox News went a step further, posting a made-up news article on its Web site that quoted Mr. Kerry as gloating about his fine manicure and his "metrosexual" appearance.
Fox News quickly retracted the article, saying in an editor's note on its Web site that the article "was written in jest and should not have been posted or broadcast.'' It said, "We regret the error, which occurred because of fatigue and bad judgment, not malice."
The article, posted on Friday on foxnews.com, was written by Carl Cameron, the chief political correspondent for Fox News, and included several bogus quotes from Mr. Kerry, supposedly assessing his performance in the debate.
"Didn't my nails and cuticles look great? What a good debate!" the article quoted Mr. Kerry, the Democratic candidate, as telling his supporters in Florida after the event.
"Women should like me! I do manicures," the story also quoted him as saying. It also had Mr. Kerry contrasting himself with President Bush: "I'm metrosexual - he's a cowboy."
Before the debate, several Fox News commentators remarked on the air about how Mr. Kerry had reportedly gotten a manicure that day.
Sunday, July 25, 2004
7:57AM - Another Bush Iniative
In a Shift, Bush Moves to Block Medical Suits
By ROBERT PEAR Published: July 25, 2004
WASHINGTON, July 24 — The Bush administration has been going to court to block lawsuits by consumers who say they have been injured by prescription drugs and medical devices.
The administration contends that consumers cannot recover damages for such injuries if the products have been approved by the Food and Drug Administration. In court papers, the Justice Department acknowledges that this position reflects a "change in governmental policy," and it has persuaded some judges to accept its arguments, most recently scoring a victory in the federal appeals court in Philadelphia.
Free IQ Test
Allowing consumers to sue manufacturers would "undermine public health" and interfere with federal regulation of drugs and devices, by encouraging "lay judges and juries to second-guess" experts at the F.D.A., the government said in siding with the maker of a heart pump sued by the widow of a Pennsylvania man. Moreover, it said, if such lawsuits succeed, some good products may be removed from the market, depriving patients of beneficial treatments.
In 2002, at a legal symposium, the Bush administration outlined plans for "F.D.A. involvement in product liability lawsuits," and it has been methodically pursuing that strategy.
The administration's participation in the cases is consistent with President Bush's position on "tort reform."
Full story: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/07/25/polit
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Student Drinks Lab Chemical On A Dare
Youth found bleeding from nose and mouth in hallway
"ODESSA, Texas (AP) -- A student who drank a chemical from his high school lab on a dare was recovering in a hospital, but not before a scare.
The student drank the unidentified chemical on a bet at the school, said Nancy Smith, a UMC supervisor.
"We need to find out what it was from the toxicologist," Assistant Principal Ray Lascano said. "All of those materials belonged to one of the chemistry labs."
The student was found last Wednesday in a school hallway, bleeding from the nose and mouth.
The unidentified student, a junior at Odessa High School, was upgraded Monday from critical to satisfactory condition at University Medical Center in Lubbock.
Lascano, who talked with the youth's mother Monday afternoon, said swelling in his throat had receded enough for him to talk. The student was moved from the Lubbock hospital's intensive-care unit to the pediatric unit, he said.
Lascano said Ector County Independent School District officials were still investigating."
The original story can be found here.
Wow. What a dumbass. The tragedy of this story is that he was found in the hallway and rescued. Now the idiot might breed...
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Ten Commandments Battle to Cost Ala. $500G
Wed Apr 14, 8:22 PM ET
MONTGOMERY, Ala. - Ousted Chief Justice Roy Moore's fight to keep a Ten Commandments monument in a courthouse rotunda will cost Alabama taxpayers nearly $550,000, officials said Wednesday.
The state reached a settlement to pay $500,000 in attorneys' fees and about $49,000 in expenses to lawyers for three organizations that sued Moore.
Under the terms, Americans United for Separation of Church and State receives $190,000, the American Civil Liberties Union (news - web sites) of Alabama $175,000, and the Southern Poverty Law Center $135,000.
Moore was removed from the bench in November for refusing a federal judge's order to remove the 5,300-pound monument he installed in the summer of 2001. He is appealing.
Though Moore paid for lawyers to argue against his removal, the cost of his defense of the monument fell on taxpayers. "It certainly would be the right thing for Justice Moore to assume this liability," said Danielle Lipow, an attorney for the Southern Poverty Law Center.
Jessica Atteberry, a spokeswoman for Moore, said the three groups used the monument case to raise money for themselves, and the attorneys were already getting salaries.
"The taxpayers of Alabama should not be taxed on this," she said.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
How stupid can you really be??
"A Georgia woman who tried to use a fake $1 million bill to buy $1,675 worth of merchandise at Wal-Mart was arrested, and police later found two more of the bills in her purse.
The U.S. Treasury does not make $1 million bills, but similar-looking currency is sold in some souvenir shops. The fake bill featured a picture of the Statue of Liberty, police said.
"It looks real, but of course there's nothing real about this," said Stacey Cotton, police chief in Covington, about 30 miles southeast of Atlanta. "People do crazy things all the time."
A store clerk immediately noticed the bill was fake when 35-year-old Alice Regina Pike handed it to her on Friday, Cotton said.
Pike then tried to use two gift cards worth only $2.32 to buy the merchandise, but when that did not work she again asked to cash the $1 million bill, Cotton said. The store then called police.
Pike was jailed on forgery charges. A woman who answered the phone at the jail said she did not know if Pike has a lawyer."
Original story copied from here.
I can't even begin to fathom the idiocy. If you are going to pass a fake bill, why choose something SO large that it requires special attention.
And then that she tried to pay with two gift cards that had a total of less than $3 on them...
Friday, January 30, 2004
Georgia Takes on 'Evolution'
By ANDREW JACOBS
Published: January 30, 2004
TLANTA, Jan. 29 — A proposed set of guidelines for middle and high school science classes in Georgia has caused a furor after state education officials removed the word "evolution" and scaled back ideas about the age of Earth and the natural selection of species.
Educators across the state said that the document, which was released on the Internet this month, was a veiled effort to bolster creationism and that it would leave the state's public school graduates at a disadvantage.
"They've taken away a major component of biology and acted as if it doesn't exist," said David Bechler, who heads the biology department at Valdosta State University. "By doing this, we're leaving the public shortchanged of the knowledge they should have."
Although education officials said the final version would not be binding on teachers, its contents will ultimately help shape achievement exams. And in a state where religion-based concepts of creation are widely held, many teachers said a curriculum without mentioning "evolution" would make it harder to broach the subject in the classroom.
full story (requires free registration) http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/30/educa
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
12:50PM - Today in germany...
German police caught a man playing the flute with both hands as he sped through traffic at 80mph on a busy highway, police said wednesday.
"He was leaning back in his seat and steering with his knees and feet," said Johann Bohnert, a spokesman for police in the town of Traunstein near the Austrian border. "He looked like he had practice." He now faces fines of 50 euros ($56).
The 52-year-old from Salzburg in Austria, birthplace of Mozart, the composer whose works include "The Magic Flute," told police he was not actually blowing the insturment. "He said he was just practicing fingerings," said Bohnert.
Sunday, August 24, 2003
5:45PM - You've read the spam ...
now find the real thing!
The Mayor of the small North Italian village Varallo has taken a step which many an e-mail spammer might only be capable of dreaming of. He has announced that the older generations in this town of seven thousand five hundred inhabitants are entitled to a sex life just as much as the younger generation, and ordered that the price of Viagra on sale at the three pharmacies in the town be halved. At present the drug costs ten Euro a time; the savings for the pensioners will be subsidised by the Town.
Friday, August 22, 2003
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (Reuters) - A New Mexico man was charged with beating a woman to death with a lead pipe because he did not want to share his Budweiser beer with her, according to court documents.
Man Suspected of Killing Woman Over a Beer [22 Aug 2003|08:49am]
there are two other ways to get odd news:
Wednesday, August 6, 2003
8:46PM - Arnold is running ...
Arnold is running! He snookered us all (including Weintraub). ... A good way to temporarily lull the various "oppo" attack machines into inactivity. ... I know I have that back issue of Premiere magazine around here somewhere. ... Will Feinstein now reconsider? ... Schwarzenegger's first mistake? Driving a Mercedes Gelandewagen to his Leno taping instead of a Hummer. It's not like he saved much on fuel. ...
Sunday, July 27, 2003
9:50AM - Chick huntin'
In Las Vegas, a company is organizing hunting trips where men shoot paintballs at naked women. They call them "Bambi hunts."
Monday, July 21, 2003
British shock artist Damien Hirst, chronicled several times in News of the Weird (e.g., skinned dead cattle in copulating positions), told The Guardian newspaper in June that he had discovered a new refinement after giving up drinking. Said Hirst: "I can drink, I can take drugs, and I can produce art. But the art starts looking stupid." Once, he said, he wanted to cover a pig in vibrators to look like a hedgehog and call it Pork-u-Pine. His new installation, set for London in the fall, features Jesus and the apostles as 13 Ping-Pong balls bobbing on fountains of red wine, and another piece on the disciples features several pickled bull's heads. [The Guardian, 6-11-03]
On June 28, as Orange County (Calif.) sheriff's deputy Owen Hall was standing beside a car he had stopped, he was shot in the leg with an arrow. After Hall pulled the arrow out and reported to a hospital, deputies combed the neighborhood and finally located archer Tri Thanh Lam, who had apparently been practicing in his back yard when an arrow got away from him. Lam was arrested, but he went free two days later when authorities realized that he had committed no crime, since the state's negligent-shooting law applies only to guns. [Los Angeles Times, 7-2-03]
Things People Believe
Business is apparently good for "pet psychics" and "communicators" who not only claim to understand animals' emotions in human terms but work with a client base that has included spiders, an iguana, a snake, a skunk, a hawk, a camel and cockroaches, and can do most of their work remotely by having the pet stand close to the telephone (at about $25 for 15 minutes). The Animal Planet channel has a weekly program, "Pet Psychic," and newspapers recently profiled practitioners in Florida, North Carolina and Pennsylvania. (Revelations: Spiders mostly express interest in not being killed, and one French poodle's issue was supposedly the dog's having imaged everything in French instead of English.) [Hartford Courant, 3-19-03; Miami Herald, 10-3-02; York (Pa.) Daily Record, 4-24-03; Palm Beach Post, 6-3-03]
( more, courtesy of News of the Weird.Collapse )
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
Saturday, June 14, 2003
Is it getting stupider in here, or is it just me?
Exhibit A: The mayor of Cedar City, Utah thought he was a great April Fools prankster. He placed notices in various papers, stating that priceless Viking artifacts had been found in a nearby cave, proving that Cedar City was originally.... an island in the South Pacific.
Incredibly stupid and lazy people then file suit against the city, state, and nation, claiming to be descendents of the islands original Viking inhabitants, demanding billions in reparations.
Exhibit B: Person #1 is a wise-ass with too much time on his hands. Person #2 has way too much money to spend. Ebay holds the solution to both their problems.
Friday, May 23, 2003
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
An incredibly unfortunate child born to Chinese parents in March, has been saddled with the world's worst name. His parents wanted to name him after important world events at the time of his birth, so the poor child will now have to suffer under the moniker of: Saddam Deng SARS.
(Taken from World Online Tiscali)
Sunday, May 11, 2003
10:37PM - Klingon Interpreter
Qapla'! Hospital seeks Klingon speaker
Saturday, May 10, 2003 Posted: 10:37 PM EDT (0237 GMT
The language created for the "Star Trek" TV series and movies is one of about 55 needed by the office that treats mental health patients in metropolitan Multnomah County.
"We have to provide information in all the languages our clients speak," said Jerry Jelusich, a procurement specialist for the county Department of Human Services, which serves about 60,000 mental health clients.
Although created for works of fiction, Klingon was designed to have a consistent grammar, syntax and vocabulary.
And now Multnomah County research has found that many people -- and not just fans -- consider it a complete language.
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Our story begins when The Great Sasuke, a Japanese wrestler who's part of a traveling troupe, throws his hat--- er, mask --- into politics.
He competes with 12 other candidates for 10 seats in the Iwate Prefecture Assembly, and wins a seat after getting more votes then any other candidate, promising to "combat medical problems and eradicate child abuse."
But The Great Sasuke may face his first grudge match, after he vowed to serve his term while wearing his mask. The governor of Iwate Prefecture has criticized the new representative, asking him to take it off.
More on this breaking news, as it develops.
Edinburgh scientists set a new Guinness record for a 40 meter sprint... across an Olympic sized pool.
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